I feel that I am just now coming out of a season of loneliness.
MJ and I moved to the York area in late August. We moved in with some family and then into our own place the week before Christmas. Since originally coming into this area, it has been hard for me to adjust. I didn’t know anyone in the area, except a friend near Lancaster. Most of my friends, family, and close relationships were either in the Philly area, Chambersburg/Shippensburg, or the State College region. Moving here gave me a lot of weeks of feeling out of touch, disconnected from where I lived, and alone.
You may think that I can’t be alone because I am married. MJ can only do so much and she can’t fulfill the presence of friends.
As time went on, I took opportunities to expand myself and connect to the area. I started volunteering once a week at a library in town, played basketball with a few groups of guys, joined a gym, started to see a therapist, exchanged contact info with co-workers and acquittance’s, and spent the money for gas or other things so to be out and enjoy life with out-of-town friends and MJ. The last one – spending money – has been hard for me. A friend described it to me like this: any well-tuned car needs money spent on it to run and keep running. Treat your relationships and marriage like a well-tuned car now or later it will either break down, cost you an arm and a leg, or call for a trade-in. Well put, I say.
In the midst of connecting to this area and reconnecting with friends from yore, I would wish away the days I was currently living in. I would want to recreate the past times, the past feelings, and think that these times today were not going to amount to anything, or just not in the timing I wanted (or said I needed). Now that I have had my long-term sub position, have been able to see friends from different areas over the last few weekends, been able to talk through my baggage with my therapist, and stayed active with exercising (this is not an exhaustive list), I feel better than ever. This book also helped me with my times of loneliness.
The moral of my story is that wishing away my days in hopes of regaining past glories did not work. It often kept me frustrated and didn’t change my circumstances. I’ve come to see that some of my friends from past seasons of life are not on the same wavelength with me now. That doesn’t mean I don’t call them friends, but it has given me an epiphany to now reconsider who I need to be my friend and who I am OK with not being as close a friend now.
Living in this present moment has been hard for me. Really hard. Much of the culture around me can call us to live in the past, present, or future. I can imagine some balance is needed in that, but for me, living in the present and accepting that the future is to be seen and the past may be closed is a tough reality to face each day.