A Memo To Glenn Beck

by Vince

Conor Friedersdorf imagines a memo to Glenn Beck from Fox News:

Glenn,

Dude, sweet show last night! Speaking of which, I removed chalk from next week’s office supply order – figure we’ve got enough already to get us through. Bet one of your fans would pay big money for the chalk boards. Especially if you broke ’em up with an ax or something on the last show.

I read up on David Brock like you asked. And I definitely see what you mean. Esquire would totally publish a long confessional magazine piece from you, but you’re right: it can’t be you admitting you were a charlatan or going over to the other side. It would be more like, “Wow, I looked deeper intothis gold business, which several people at Fox assured me was on the up and up, and now I see that a whole lot of wealthy entertainers on the right are just sticking it to their listeners. That’s why I’m gonna set up a fund for anyone who bought marked up commemorative coins because of me.” I don’t know if we should do that specifically, but you get the idea: we leverage the fact that the most conspiracy-minded people in the conservative movement trust you more than Roger Ailes or Rush Limbaugh (though I wouldn’t go after him unless he attacks first), and the genius of it is that we’ll never lose an argument because whatever dishonesty we choose to expose will be true: They actually are conspiring to mislead rank-and-file conservatives in all these totally egregious and provable ways!

Obviously, Fox has some dirt on you too, but it’ll be tricky for them to exploit it. What are they going to say, we observed Beck putting Vicks VapoRub under his eyes to fake crying during his shows, and we’re using it to discredit him now even though we were perfectly happy to broadcast what we knew to be fake? It hurts them more than us. It’s kind of awesome how our reputation is so crazy that no one outside our of core group of fans expects us to put out honest work anyway.

It’s worth a full read. It hits every nail on the head and has be grinning.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: